Dick sighed at his adopted father's shocked face. "There's been several
murders in Bludhaven and--" He glared at the manila envelope he had in
his hand. "I got the short straw.
"Anyway-- I thought you should know in case… Well-- in case someone
finds out and--" Dick shuffled his feet as he looked away; his face was
deeply flushed with embarrassment as he tucked the envelope under an
arm.
"Tries to link the Wayne heir to--" Bruce coughed before grabbing his
mug of coffee to take a long drink before he lost it.
Dick glanced up at his father and frowned. "You're smirking."
"I am not." Bruce swore silently to himself that he had better control
than that.
"You had better not tell Babs or Tim." Dick growled at him.
"Tell me what?" Tim bounced down the stairs of the Batcave.
"Oh--"
"Bruce…"
"Tell me what?"
"Maybe when you're older…"
"Bruce!" Dick unfolded his arms and took a menacing step towards where
his father sat at the bat computers. That, he discovered, was a bad
move.
"What's this?" Tim spotted his chance and swiped the manila envelope
Dick had been clutching in his hand.
"Tim! Give that bac--"
Tim stared at the object he'd tipped out into his hand. He could have
called it underwear, but the word engendered something with a lot more
cloth than this-- *thing* warranted.
"Oh, God. Kill me now."
No, Dick's superior officer in the Bludhaven Police Department should
be killed for this, Bruce decided. The humour of the entire situation
evaporated in the actual face of what his son would be wearing in front
of a crowd of-- "Dick... *You* are *not* prancing about a stage in--"
"You've got a case in a strip joint?" Tim squeaked. If he had only
*heard* it, it would have been hilarious, but looking at this tiny--
*thing*...
"It's not like I had any choice in this." Dick snatched the scrap of
cloth out of Tim's limp hands.
"*Dick,* you're *not* wearing *that*!" Bruce thundered behind him. Not
that it was much good when Dick and Tim weren't paying very much
attention to him.
"Dude... This is-- *obscene*." Tim looked like he wanted to poke at the
scrap of cloth which Dick was distastefully holding between two fingers
but was afraid to.
"That's the whole idea." Dick completely missed Bruce's stormy
expression of protectiveness while he glared at the item which he'd
snatched back from Tim. "This is the final uniform. At the least, it's
*something*. I could have ended up in the buff."
"Man--" Tim winced in sympathy. "You're going to have to shave, won't
you?"
"Worse--" Dick stared at it mournfully. "I'll need a Brazilian."
It took a second or two for his meaning to sink in. "Oooowwwww!" Tim's
hands flew protectively over his crotch. "You mean men actually wax
there too?"
Dick nodded with a sigh.
"That's brutal!"
"*Dick!*"
"What?" He frowned at the expression on his father's face. "Bruce? I am
a full grown man with over ten years of unarmed combat experience, and
not a virginal, teenage *girl.* I'd thank you to remember that."
"I *never* allowed you to do *Vice* work while you were Robin." He told
his son stonily.
"Bruce." Dick gave him an exasperated glare as he dropped his 'costume'
back in the manila envelope. "It's not like I won't have back up. I--"
"And just how effective are the BHPD at backup?" Dick winced at his
harshness, but he had to admit that his father had a point about the
BHPD's reputation. "Furthermore, wearing just-- just-- You have no
place to hide concealed weapons or--" Bruce turned determinedly back to
his computers. "We're asking Oracle to lend us--"
"Hell no!" Dick blanched. "I don't want anyone who knows me watching--"
Bruce didn't pay him a lick of attention as his hands flew over the
keys to pull up the Bludhaven Police Case files and zero in on the
reports of the five male strippers who had been found murdered and
mutilated. Dick shuddered as he recognised the tight set in Bruce's jaw
which told him that his father wasn't going to be swerved from his
plans.
"Oracle should be able to lend us Dinah... Cassandra-- No!
"Selina could be persuadable... Diana might agree to a favour, I could
probably pique her interest in observing..."
"Great... Just... great. Batman's going to get Black Canary, Catwoman
and Wonder Woman to watch me strip." Dick looked mournfully towards Tim
who was bent over and giggling madly as he started to see the humour in
the situation. "Kill me now."