The papers are finally filed... And I am now officially the son of Bruce Wayne, heir of Wayne Enterprise. And... There's no going back.

The papers are finally filed... And we have finally formalised Dick's status as my son and heir under the eyes of the law. And... There's no going back.

I should feel relieved. After all, I can see this as the final nail in the coffin of my desire for this man; my guardian since I was eight years old. A man who guided me, protected, and-- love me... Though it was not in the way I desired that love in my late teens.

I should feel relieved. After all, I can see this as the final nail in the coffin of my desire for this young man; my son now. A boy who I've raised to become this beautiful young man; a young man who I once drove away and emotionally closed myself away from for fear of the feelings he stirred within me.

God, those were tough years. I was such a mess of confusion then... Wanting Bruce to see me as a man and not a child; wanting him and being scared out of my wits for feeling that way. I was so confused then; finding myself dreaming of sex with Bruce or-- with Batman.

When did the boy suddenly become this desirable man? It took me by surprise; struck me one day when I came down for breakfast to find myself looking upon a vision seated at the dining table with the light of dawn shining behind him as he sipped his coffee.

And I couldn't stand it. If he ever realised the truth, he would have been horrified-- disgusted-- embarrassed...  He had always treated me like a son. I could not be looking at him as a potential lover.

Where those thoughts came from, I did not know and I could not accept it. He would have been horrified-- disgusted-- embarrassed... He had always looked up to me as a guardian. I could not be looking at him as a potential lover.

Fortunately, I had Robin. When I was Robin I could be focused, and have my attention on our cases. No need to think of my attraction to my guardian. No time to ponder my inappropriate feelings.

As always, I had the Bat to shield me. When I was Batman I could be focused, and have my attention on our cases. No need to think of my attraction to my ward. No time to ponder my inappropriate feelings. 

But... I became too daring; too eager to immerse myself in physical battle to escape the realm of thought and introspection. A momentary inattention allowed the Joker to shoot me. And Batman panicked... And he forbade me to join him as his partner any longer.

Then I had but a moment of inattention. I did not manage to get the gun away from the Joker and he shot Robin. And-- I panicked… I was afraid and I forbade him to be my partner.

I had to leave then. Without Robin as my shield, I could not stay in his presence and hope to keep my secret. Even then I would have been lost if it were not for Raven, and for the reformation of the Titans. They kept me preoccupied; kept me from thinking of what I had left behind. And then there was Starfire...

I knew that it would drive him away from me. But that was for the best, since I was far too weak to send him away. I could not have denied him then, I would have-- I would have ruined things between us. Then I found Jason-- But he was a mistake.

No other existed who could be so different to Batman... to Bruce... She was so filled with the fiery passion of life... I knew Bruce would never have approved of her. She was an alien. Beautiful, striking, emotional, open-- the antithesis of what Batman was. Maybe that's why I was drawn to her. Maybe-- that was why we ultimately failed to form a permanent relationship.

He was so unlike Dick; rude, scrappy, so much more independent and angry. And-- less talented; but a far easier student to have *because* he was not as good. With Jason, it was so much easier to have him as a student and a son. There was no danger of inappropriate feelings forming between us. I could hold Jason at a distance that I could not have done with Dick. But-- that was why Jason did not come to me with his problems… And why he eventually died when he disobeyed me and acted on his own.

Adrift again, I found myself in Gotham once more seeking him; seeking a meaning to my life.

He came home to Gotham for a time, but I pushed him away. The pain of Jason's loss was still too raw and he was too conveniently close. He still cared for me. Found me another Robin. But I still dared not let him come too near.

For a time, I felt totally rejected from his world. After all, he had handed the mantle of the bat to another, a stranger. But he later called me to stand by his side to reclaim it, and furthermore briefly handed the cape and cowl into my safe keeping. 

Pushing him away was a huge mistake. I know I had hurt him with Jean-Paul. But when I called, he came back to me anyway to help as much as he could. And I briefly handed the cape and cowl into his safe keeping, seeing then that that was how it should be.

It was the night when I gave him back the mantle of the Bat, that I first heard the much hoped for yet dreaded words; when he first referred to me as his son. And I then knew he would not-- could not see me any other way.

I called him 'son' for the first time the night I took back the mantle of the Bat. And it was then that I realised what I had to do to keep him close.

At first, I had foolishly thought to give up my identity of Nightwing and remove myself from that shadowed world. Perhaps immersing myself in the ordinary world would let me begin to forget him and my heart ache. But that was not to be. My weak resolve brought me back into his world before a week passed.

I could not give in and take him as a lover. I could not give in to my perversity. But to keep him close and to give him my commitment, I could make him my son.

To stay in his continued presence, however, would have been agony. So with just the slightest of reasons I moved to Gotham's sister city, Bludhaven. Close enough, and yet not too close.

It was wrong for me to dream otherwise. He must never know of the sinful thoughts I had harboured when he approached his majority. It disgusts me now to even think of the thoughts I once had when he lived with me.

But it is truly with this slip of paper that I'm finally closing that chapter in my soul. I am now legally his son. And there is nothing at all to be done about that.

He is my son. I have finally made it real under the eyes of the law, and now I must hammer this truth over the cracks of my heart and never stray into the forbidden realms again.

Father and son; that is all the love he wants and expects of me and I will-- must learn to accept it.

Father and son; that is all the love he wants and expects of me and I will-- must learn to accept it.