DISCLAIMER:
The characters in Merlin
(BBC) belong to Shine
Television and the BBC, etc., i.e., not me.
I'm just borrowing them for a
while to spin a tale
First
Fealty - Epilogue
Acceptable Qualities
By firewolf
May 2009
@>;-'-
Arthur supposed he had been
overly hopeful to think that he would emerge from his ordeal in
Vortigern’s castle relatively unscathed, and that he could keep the
truth of it from his father. However, as much as he tried to watch
himself, Arthur couldn’t help his subconscious responses around his
father’s Knights or when Camelot received visitors who brought
potential suitors for the young Prince.
He was comfortable among his own Knights. Arthur didn’t see how he
could ever feel awkward or embarrassed with men who, with his two weeks
stay in Vortigern’s dungeons, came to know every intimate detail of his
body. With his father’s men, however, even with those whom he had known
since childhood and who taught him how to fight, a new reserve and
skittishness had unconsciously appeared.
Concerned for their Prince, his father’s Knights had carefully
interrogated the Knights who returned with Arthur. They refused to
speak, but enough could be discerned that the other Knights picked up
on their worry for Arthur such that the Prince suddenly found himself
saddled with a veritable army of ‘protective elder brothers.’
This attention, of course quickly came to the notice of their King. And
Uther felt himself pushed to meet privately with Arthur to address the
‘unpleasantness’ he had deliberately sent his son into when he allowed
King Vortigern to bring Arthur back to his kingdom for a visit. He had
found himself especially concerned when the father of the last
potential suitor for his son’s favour had gently ribbed him for having
a chaste son who appeared almost as nervous as his virginal daughter
who was left very charmed by the polite young man.
While he knew his son was hardly a bore, Uther remembered Arthur’s
behaviour with previous visitors. Arthur wasn’t usually the shy and
reserved character the noble described. And yet when he thought of it,
Uther had to recognise that his son had of late been almost skittish
and guarded around strangers while in social settings.
Arthur had been especially unhappy of his failure to keep his secret
the day his father finally called him to his chambers and led him to
the table where they could sit side by side. But Uther wouldn’t let him
escape. The King was determined to get to the bottom of what happened
to his son during the months he stayed at what was formerly Vortigern’s
estates.
Uther decided he had to address the issue directly. “Arthur, were you
ill treated during your stay?”
“Father, I’m all right.”
“You didn’t answer my question, Arthur.” His father’s determined tone
made Arthur realise Uther wasn’t going to let Arthur brush him off this
time. “Tell me the truth,” his father stared him down firmly.
Arthur looked away to gaze out the window where he could see snowflakes
catching the last rays of the setting sun while he considered his
answer very carefully. He supposed he had been lucky to get away with
it for this long, but he didn’t want to reopen an old wound among his
Knights. It was already bad enough that they ‘infected’ the rest of his
father’s Knights with their concern for him.
And really—while he hadn’t honestly been very interested in sex ever
since Vortigern’s games, unfortunately, the only people Arthur was
comfortable enough to be attracted to felt too guilty to ever want to
touch him again. On top of that, the new protectiveness shared by the
Knights of Camelot for their Prince seemed to cause them to conspire to
keep Arthur chaste.
Arthur wasn’t happy about them noticing every interested eye cast in
his direction and taking it upon themselves to evaluate the women (or
men) on his behalf. He was even less pleased with their presumption to
subtly discourage the failed potential suitors before Arthur even
realised he had been given a second glance. However, he couldn’t be
angry with them. He really didn’t know how to stop them from being so
overly protective of him.
“Arthur?” He turned back to look at his father and saw the deep worry
and guilt in his eyes. “Please, tell me the truth.”
Arthur looked anywhere but at his father. He knew the guilt would hurt
the man and he didn’t want that. But he also knew keeping the secret
might be worse, since his father would take it as a loss of his trust
and respect. With that resolve, Arthur chose his words carefully before
he finally raised his head to meet his father’s eyes.
“My Knights are honourable men, father.” Arthur told Uther
determinedly, “they did not agree with what their King commanded be
done to me, but they also couldn’t disobey their King. So please do not
blame them, father.
“I was led to the dungeons on the night of my arrival, where they kept
me nude and in chains for their King’s entertainment. Vortigern gave
the guards of his castle permission to abuse me as they saw fit from
that day forth.”
The Knights never allowed the guards the opportunity to act on the
invitation, but Arthur didn’t think his father needed to know that. It
was easier to let his father assume it was the guards who abused him.
He didn’t want his father to ever find out that it was the Knights who
fucked him at their King’s command.
One of Uther’s hands immediately grabbed Arthur’s while the other
reached up to touch his cheek as he shook his head in horror. “My
god—Arthur—I didn’t know—I would never have expected—”
“Father, how could anyone have predicted this?” Arthur smiled at his
father kindly. “And I’m all right, really.
“I managed to gain the trust and respect of my Knights early and
quickly. And they protected and took care of me as much as they were
able to get away with under their King’s watchful eyes. They rescued me
from the dungeons the moment their Liege passed on.”
“How could anyone predict?” Uther’s hand had clutched Arthur’s almost
painfully tight. “I was not blind, Arthur! I saw how he looked at you!
Morgana could clearly see his lust for you as well! She yelled at me
for three days regarding my decision.
“God’s teeth, Arthur, I practically *delivered* you to his bed by
sending you to him *alone*—all for the hint of a promise to gain his
kingdom.
“But—Vortigern never took you to his bed, did he?” Arthur watched
helplessly as his father beat himself up for his hand in what happened
to him. “The man was so old—I scarcely believed him capable… I didn’t
think you—I didn’t think him able to mistreat you—
“I never thought—he—that he would call on others.” Uther told him
brokenly, “He was incapable—wasn’t he? So he had others—and he watched,
didn’t he?”
Arthur took in a deep breath before he answered, “Yes, father. My
Knights could care for and protect me during the day, but not in the
presence of the King when he came to me at night.”
“You sent me word when Vortigern died… But that was over *two weeks*
after you arrived.” Uther’s face was almost grey as he stared at his
son; his next words were a bare whisper, “how many men, Arthur?”
Arthur immediately tried to brush off the question. “Father, it doesn’t
matter now. You don’t—”
“How many, Arthur? How many men did he parade through your dungeon
cell?! How many did he watch fuck you, while I did *nothing* back here
in Camelot to check on how you were treated?!”
“You don’t need to know!
“The man is dead, father! And very fittingly he gave himself a stroke
when my Knights tried to intervene and protest my abuse. He got himself
so worked up, he died for it!”
Arthur softened his voice with his next words, “it’s over, father. The
man is dead, while I’m here, I’m safe, and I’m all right.
“And only Vortigern and the Knights knew the Prince of Camelot was a
prisoner in the dungeons. He kept this information from the guards. As
far as they were aware of it, Vortigern held a castle whore in the
dungeons, and the man was richly paid off so as not to give credence to
the rumour that the King fucked himself to death.”
Uther had visibly shrunk within himself with Arthur’s use of the term
‘castle whore’, making Arthur curse himself inwardly for the slip. So
he pushed on to quickly get through his confession and hope they’d
never bring it up again.
“Vortigern tried, but he did not break me, father. I survived what
mistreatment Vortigern subjected me to. And now we’ve gained a kingdom
and I’ve inherited a garrison of Knights who have earned my trust and
respect and who give me loyalty and love in equal measure.”
“It was too high a price, Arthur.” Uther whispered brokenly.
Arthur reached a hand over to brush the tears from his father’s face.
“Please, father, don’t dwell on it, for I won’t. It was a battle
between me and Vortigern, father, and I won. And that is enough for me.
Please, let it be enough for you too.”
*~*~*
But of course that was just never going to work. And Arthur was to
slowly realise that he’d probably never have sex ever again if it was
up to his father and the Knights of Camelot.
They had a ‘list.’ It was absolutely mortifying for Arthur to only know
of its existence because Morgana had quite gleefully stolen a copy of
it from one of her lovers. (And it felt doubly unfair to him that *she*
could have discrete lovers while he had a kingdom full of Knights
determined to keep him chaste.)
Not
too old
Well—yes. While the older
Knights did have experience and gave him quite a lovely time, Arthur
really wasn’t interested in someone who could be old enough to be his
father. Furthermore, his experience with Vortigern also put paid to
that qualification.
Not
too young
Arthur was glad they
recognised this. He was not a paedophile.
Not desperate for a husband
Arthur would swear he could
see a ball and chain in the eyes of some of nobles his father
introduced him to. And it wasn’t of the variety he’d associate with a
bit of role playing fun either.
Not in love with someone else
No, most definitely, no. He
was an honourable man and he would never steal another’s love. Besides
he didn’t really want to imagine having a lover who might have someone
else’s name on their lips while they were sleeping with him.
Not
a two-faced, cold-blooded killer
Okay, so his father and
councillors needed to be a bit more careful when they vetted potential
suitors and take care not to accept an assassin in their midst again.
Not
using the Prince to get back at the King
Really, you’d think his
father would remember his enemies and have someone keep track of their
relations.
Not
girly and giggly enough to set his teeth on edge
Arthur wasn’t going to argue
with this. He would like to be able to carry out a proper conversation
with his partner without wanting to throttle them with their own
braids.
Not serious about everything
Gods knew his
responsibilities as a Prince was mountainous enough to occupy most of
his time. There was a time to be serious but he was a young man and
determined to have some fun in his life.
Not looking for a quick promotion
from one’s existing social station
Okay, so he really did need
to be on the guard against maidservants of visiting dignitaries as
well.
Not
domineering
Just—no… After the ordeal in
the dungeons, Arthur couldn’t imagine giving up control in any
situation of his choosing.
Not a
wife.
That last one surprised
Arthur enough to make him confront his father about the ‘List’. At the
least, Uther had the grace to be embarrassed about being caught out.
His father’s explanation, though, was sufficient to make Arthur forgive
him for his over protectiveness.
Arthur rather did like the idea of being allowed the choice to select
his wife to be. In that, his father had also significantly stated that
he would never use Arthur as a bargaining chip in his political games.
Though to be fair, Arthur already knew this. After Vortigern, Uther was
never going to expose his son to the same kind of danger again.
The downside, unfortunately, was that Arthur was sure he was never ever
going to have sex again. He couldn’t see how he’d ever meet anyone who
could meet the ‘list’ of qualifications set out by his Knights. And
Arthur rightly feared that the ‘list’ grew with every person he met.
Then Merlin arrived in Camelot…
When they first met, Arthur knew there was just something about the boy
he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Their two initial meetings were
hardly cordial, and yet less than a week later Merlin saved his life by
pulling him out of the path of a flying dagger.
Arthur hadn’t realised it then, but that was when his Knights took
notice and began to tick down their ‘list’ of qualifications in their
evaluation of this ‘new man’ in their Prince’s life. In fact, he didn’t
give it much thought until nearly a year later when a very puzzled
Merlin appeared at his door one evening with a thick scroll his Knights
had asked him to deliver along with the evening meal.
“Do you have any idea what this is?” Arthur asked in surprise when he
first looked at the contents of the scroll.
“Of course not,” his manservant sounded justifiably annoyed with him.
“I don’t make a habit of reading your mail.”
Arthur raised an eyebrow at him, prompting the other man to flush
guiltily. “Well… Okay, may be l do. But only when I feel it’s from
someone untrustworthy, or if I think you’re under an enchantment of
some sort.”
There was that, and Arthur did come to learn to trust Merlin’s
instincts. After all it took a sorcerer to correctly recognise
another’s work. And Merlin hadn’t failed him yet; would refuse to ever
fail him, in fact. Arthur thought he knew the man enough to recognise
this.
With Merlin’s attention turned back to cleaning his chambers, Arthur
looked at the scroll in his hands again. It was the ‘List’ and it was a
much longer list than he remembered seeing nearly two years earlier.
Not too old
Not too young
Not desperate for a husband
Not in love with someone else
Not a two-faced, cold-blooded
killer
Not using the Prince to get back
at the King
Not girly and giggly enough to
set his teeth on edge
Not serious about everything
Not looking for a quick
promotion from one’s existing social station
Not domineering
Not a wife
Not too shy and afraid to
interact with the Prince
Not an empty headed twit
Not devoid of personality
Etc.,
However, there was a curious ‘tick’ mark beside each of the lines now.
And near the end of this list of ‘not’s there was also a smaller list
of what appeared to be ‘must have’s:
Selfless and kind
Able to make him smile
Protective of our Prince
Willing to disobey him, if it is
for his own good
Utterly devoted to our Prince
In love with the man
Arthur swallowed hard as he
looked up from the scroll to see Merlin kneeling at the fireplace to
stoke the fire, and he thought about it again. There were *ticks*
beside *each* and *every* line of the list.
‘In love with the man,’ the paper said, and Arthur wondered, “really?”
He cleared his throat to catch his manservant’s attention, bringing
Merlin’s eyes up to meet his. Wordlessly, Arthur handed him the scroll.
As he had expected, Merlin’s eyes were filled with mirth and merriment
as he read the scroll. However, as he progressed down the list, Arthur
could sense his agitation and nervousness grow right until he reached
the last line.
“Merlin?” Arthur called softly when the man seemed to stay silent for
too long. Timid but hopeful blue eyes looked up at him from beneath
dark lashes, drawing an answering smile from Arthur’s lips.
Later on, neither could say who had moved first. But that wasn’t
important to Arthur. What mattered most was that Merlin really was as
capable as his Knights had thought he would be. He gave to Arthur all
the kisses, cuddles and love he could ever have hoped for with a
partner. And in Merlin’s kisses, Arthur found all the sweetness,
passion and love he’d never expected to find contained in just one man.
His father didn’t even seem to mind that Merlin wasn’t noble-born. At
the end of the day, Merlin had met all the stringent qualifications of
the Knights of Camelot. And most important of all, was one point that
hadn’t yet made the list.
He kept Arthur contented.
~end~