DISCLAIMER:
The characters belong to Sai Yukino and Kairi Yura, Kadokawa Shoten,
Madhouse Studios, etc., i.e., not me.
I'm just borrowing them for a
while to spin a tale.
Protective
Instincts Thwarted
By firewolf
June 2008
@>;-'-
Shi Seiran was never
quite comfortable in the presence of Li Kouyuu.
Kouyuu may have thought it
was awkwardness because they were both taken
into their respective households at approximately the same time though
never introduced despite their ‘adopted’ status as cousins, but Seiran
felt it was not the same. And the older man told himself that his
discomfort was also not over misplaced guilt since he was openly loved
by Shouka sama and his family, whereas Reishin dono’s love for his son
was not as demonstrative.
It was not envy or jealousy.
As a member of a not so
prominent branch of the same family, Seiran
never had to deal with the rumours and gossip which surrounded Kouyuu
for his adoption by the head of the Kou clan. Neither was Seiran
confronted with hurtful tales that he was taken in only because his
father was imitating the actions of his beloved elder brother who had
adopted a stray some months earlier.
It was not pity. The very
idea was absurd.
Until Eigetsu arrived in
court, Kouyuu had held the record of being the
youngest official to graduate as Jougen in the national exams at age
16. Even with his record broken by the 13 year old, Kouyuu’s fame did
not diminish. While it was acknowledged that Eigetsu’s achievement was
born of hard work and determination, Kouyuu, on the other hand, was
recognised as a true genius on par with Ran Ryuuen, without the younger
man’s eccentricities.
Kouyuu was also infamous as
the Under Secretary in the Department of
Civil Administration, and the youngest official in history to hold such
a high post since the founding of Saiunkou as a nation. His one
crippling fault, much worse that his ability to get lost within thirty
paces, was his blind devotion to his father. However, Kou Reishin
addressed this very forcefully when he abandoned his son to the mercy
of the Censorate, making Kouyuu finally choose to follow his heart in
his desire to serve the people by fully pledging his loyalty to Ryuuki,
and becoming instrumental in his father’s dismissal from office.
Even then, Kouyuu’s career
was not that badly derailed since YuuShun
quickly snapped him up as an Aide to the Prime Minister’s office, much
to the howls of disappointed among the other departments who had once
looked enviously upon the Department of Civil Affairs. Furthermore,
Reishin Dono’s very public gift of a white wolf pup to protect Kouyuu,
when he stayed at court after his father returned to the Kou Estates,
was evidence enough that Kouyuu was still held in high favour by the
Kou Clan. Shiro’s presence as Kouyuu’s new guard wolf had also
seriously curtailed the harassment the man used to get from prospective
father in laws hoping to nab him for their daughters.
This was not a man to be
pitied.
No, the disconcerting feeling
Seiran had seemed to be of a more primal
nature. In truth, Seiran did not even develop this feeling until that
one day he accidentally chanced upon a private exchange between Ran
Shuuei and the Prime Minister’s Aide and witnessed Kouyuu unexpectedly
flinch quite violently away from the man.
If the surprise on Kouyuu and
Shuuei’s faces were not absolute, Seiran
might have forgotten himself and drawn Kanshou on his appointed
subordinate. It was clear enough to Seiran that Kouyuu did not
understand why he had flinched away from his best friend.
Still, the incident stirred
memories of Seiran's yearlong hell among
the Satsujinzoku where he had caught the eye of Meishou, one of the
seniors among the bandits. And Seiran steadfastly told himself that he
would never wish for Kouyuu to have this ignorance clarified.
Seiran knew that Ran Shuuei
had always thought he never liked him. But
that was initially because Seiran objected to Shuuei’s wavering stance
of support to Ryuuki vs. the Ran Clan. When Shuuei returned to court
after forcing his brothers to disinherit him and fully pledged himself
to Ryuuki, Seiran came to respect and have an understanding with the
demoted General and his new subordinate. After this revelation about
Kouyuu though, Seiran found himself struggling not to unfairly impose
an image of the long dead Meishou upon Shuuei when he looked at him.
Shuuei was nothing like
Meishou. The care with which Shuuei respected
the limits Kouyuu placed on him told all who observed them that he
loved the difficult man. Seiran remembered too how Shuuei quietly and
attentively nursed Kouyuu through the long weeks of his coma when
Reishin dono seemingly abandoned him after his arrest by the Censorate.
Shuuei’s devotion and love was unquestionable. Seiran knew that the man
would sooner cut off his own arm than raise a hand to hurt Kouyuu.
Meishou was nothing like the
former general. In the nights which
followed that brief glimpse and understanding of Kouyuu’s life before
Kou Reishin took him in, Seiran relived his time with the Satsujinzoku
in his nightmares. He remembered Meishou’s cruelty; remembered the many
nights he lay beaten and humiliated beneath the grunting man who
forcefully took pleasure with his weaker body. He remembered the man’s
foul breath in his face and the unwanted tongue forced into his mouth.
He remembered the pain of rude violation and despair.
Ensei was far too perceptive
of Seiran’s moods and feelings than he
cared to admit. However, Seiran could not help but count his blessings
for having this friend as Ensei also correctly read the cause of his
nightmares. And so, shrouded in a serious discussion on the security of
the higher courts and the defences surrounding the Emperor, the Prime
Minister and his Aide, Ensei offered to teach Kouyuu how to defend
himself barehanded.
Kouyuu had paled at the idea
of carrying a blade despite Shuuei’s offer
to teach him sword work. However, the suggestion of learning to defend
himself barehanded appealed to him. Furthermore, Ensei won over Shuuei
too with his argument that as the Prime Minister’s Aide, and the man’s
last line of defence, he would be immediately underestimated by
attackers if he did not brandish a blade, and that he need only know
how to defend them long enough for help to arrive. It was a logical
line of reasoning which Kouyuu readily agreed to.
With Kouyuu’s steady mastery
of the art of barehanded defence under
Ensei’s patient tutoring, the frequency of Seiran’s nightmares declined
and eventually stopped. The distance which had sprung up between Seiran
and Shuuei also dissipated without the other man any wiser as to why
the barrier had appeared and just as suddenly disappeared.
It was only then that Seiran
identified this strange feeling within him
for the Prime Minister’s Aide. It was feelings that he readily and
easily gave into for Shuurei and Ryuuki, to shelter and defend them
from any who might cause them harm.
However, Li Kouyuu did not
need this from him. He had enough protectors
in the form of his father, Ran Shuuei and the recently added white
wolf, Shiro. He did not need Seiran the way Shuurei and Ryuuki needed
him. So Seiran had to learn to let this feeling go, and to trust in the
protectors that Kouyuu already had.
Kouyuu was not like him, who
had to learn to protect himself. And who
was eventually allowed by fate to take revenge on the man who had hurt
him when he was younger. But Meishou’s death did not make the hurt go
away, and it was not something Seiran could justifiably take out on
Shuuei on Kouyuu’s behalf. It was unfair to Shuuei, and Kouyuu would
not thank him for it.
A feeling Seiran could only
identify as sorrow came over him when he
realised that he had no place as Kouyuu’s protector. Seiran did not
like this feeling and he wondered if Reishin dono had felt the same
when he learnt that Kouyuu wrote the petition asking for Reishin’s
dismissal from the Department of Civil Affairs.
He wondered if Reishin’s
feelings of pride for his son’s act of
independence were enough to cover the ache of having his son leaving
his nest of protection. And Seiran also wondered if he could be as
strong when it eventually came time for Shuurei and Ryuuki to leave the
arms of his protection too.
~owari~